I can't believe that another calendar year has flipped and it is once again time to do a "Things I am Thankful For" column. As usual, I am thankful for my family, friends, good health, etc. (you know the usual stuff, like bacon, deodorant, toilet paper, happy hour, Netflix, Amazon Prime, Google, live streaming and my thick gel foam mattress topper). I am also extremely thankful that the elections are over.
This year I have decided I have something new to add to my list. No...no new grand or great-grand babies, or lottery winnings, or cancer free diagnoses...nothing quite as grandiose as that.
I am grateful that I am not a law enforcement officer. Aside from putting themselves in harm's way on a daily basis and losing one of their own way too often, they have to deal with the general public and all of the hooey that entails.
If you have read the Bellevue Herald Leader in the last few weeks and have skipped the "Calls and Incidents" reports, you are really missing some prime entertainment. Here is a sampling:
• Woman pulled over and feeding cat by side of road (probably better than doing so in the middle of the road).
• Two loose goats chasing caller, who had to be picked up by ATV (good thing the caller could run and call at the same time).
• Raccoon walking across Kwik Star parking lot in the rain (was it because the raccoon was walking or because it was raining?)
• Raccoon dying in the street at East Apple and North Otto (probably caught pneumonia).
• Someone driving around screaming (probably just a Mom who escaped from her family for a few minutes).
• Black and white dog in a pink sweater running loose (not to be confused by the black dog running around in a white sweater).
• Caller angry about street sweeper out shortly before 11 p.m (caller needs bigger problems).
• Two men fighting in Sabula. one man came on an ATV to get money from another man who came out in his underwear and hit the first man with a two-by-four (Was second man wearing boxers or briefs?)
• Pink bathroom sink and flat screen TV by edge of road (and the dish ran away with the spoon).
• Calf on road near new concrete. Neighboring farmer said calf usually gets out in afternoon, eats grass in ditch, then goes back in (sounds like a quote from Mr. Haney on "Green Acres").
• Two boys attempting to steal shoes at Goodwill (I know stealing is stealing, but really?)
• A lot of calls of vehicle versus deer (I think they should just move those "deer crossing" signs somewhere where there isn't much traffic)
• Kids throwing milk cartons from Hillcrest to Perxactly's Bar and Grill.
• Assault at Perxactly's Bar and Grill. Went to hospital for clearance (milk carton, perchance?)
• Report of harassment via Facebook ( I could be calling the police on my brothers all the time!)
• Uncatchable terrier at Wag More pet salon (this conjures images of Barney Fife chasing a pooch around Mayberry).
• Drunk Male wearing black (would it have mattered if the drunk male been wearing pink?)
• Woman asking for rides at Kwik Star, intoxicated with vodka bottle hanging out of her bag.
AND HOW WAS YOUR YEAR?